pollychandler.com

for the love of pete...check out this woman

polly chandler

70. number 70.

its a clean sweep.

a good place to end.

a good place to start a new chapter.

its been real.

People are funny, not funny haha.

Just interesting, you'd think we would have figured everything out by now what with all the time we have to interact.

But friends sting, and friends embrace too.

Sometimes pain is the acid test of friendship.

I think if you can count the number of people that you know stick by you on one hand, then you've done something right.

We keep building, we keep building, we topple, we keep building.

I never have understood why we cant pick things right back up.

But some do.

I feel incredibly grateful for everything that i have. Sometimes the shit, sometimes not. But on the whole..i get to do what i want to do, i get to love people who love me back, and i get to learn. I get to make things, and fail. I get to know things, and cry. I get to be caged just enough to want to run free, and i have the means of doing it. I have a good head on my shoulders and alot of hope. I have a good heart that i am smart enough to keep guarded but smart enough to listen to and use. I have some amount of talent that i can use to do good things. And i get to work really fucking hard for the things i want.

you keep the things you love, the things that give you joy, and the things that help you, and you do everything you can to nurse yourself to normalcy, to get well now.

When you feel the sky is falling turn to those who love you, and if there is more than one person you can do that with,

then you are one lucky bastard.

im one of those.

"develop interest in life as you see it, in people, things, literature, music,-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people, forget yourself."

forget yourself, but don't forget yourself, if you know what i mean.

forgetting....

i dont have class tomorrow.

im going to paint ALL DAMN DAY! 

:))))))))))))))

good times.

He said today in a hush so soft "oh my god its like couture"...like it was something so god damn ridiculous he couldnt help but change his tone of voice when talking about it. Then he kept wrapping it around me wildly and it wasnt about me at all, it was allll about this silly little peice of green fabric...and what he made it was, well, it just was. I already knew he was different but when he said that...my suspicions confirmed, he was extraordinary.

offensive or not, im not sure i would ever want to or try to control the content of art. No matter what it is, or how it is painted, because....its a more honest reflection of psyche, its a good portrait of humanity, its safe on a canvas, let it happen.

im in theory and we're talking about feminism and the exploitation(or lack of) of their bodies. I'm looking at bathing suits...ha. you can love women naked, its not crazy.

Maybe at one point fashion was demeaning, and it certainly was confining, but now, it has either had the effect of the female "buying into" the idea or it has been embraced and become a flag, and empowerment. Sex was once taboo for women, sex is now a tool. Not to say that it cant be abused..but hay....the less its feared, the less impact it has.

Anything we see on a canvas isnt anything we havent imagined.

be honest.

Are male nudes more offensive than female?

depends on who you're talking to.

i love social nuance. hmmm

well she may not be much with math or relationships, but damn the girl can run.

"One of the hardest things in life and art is to know what you want. It seems to me that the business of making art is to push toward- I always feel weak saying it, although i know it is the truth when i think about it- is that you are always pushing to find out what you want out of a situation, and it is not anything knowable until you know it." - Jan Groover

because the everyday slips away fast.

im looking for what gives me joy now.

images

an idea

a triumph
a bridge
a graphic designer

a surprise
a home
a masterpeice

a moment, a memory
an angel
a contest
an arbre
a trend
a lover
a wonder
a crayon
a lunch date
a creature
a view from the top
a contrived gesture
a boy and his bird, a day trip
a miracle
a mother
a goof, a friend.

today both of my morning classes were cancelled. i woke up later than i have all semester. it was 11 30 and it still felt like morning. No matter what time you wake up, the morning is still the morning.

Im in theory right now and were talking about gender as a social construction.

remember when i was realllyyyy into feminism? i miss those times.

just for the record, still a feminist.

dag.

the last couple of days have been soooo busy. and its not over...but after friday, it should be thinning out.

so hmm....what to say

its hard to say anything, my mind has been so occupado with things that i have to do that i have hardly had time to stop and realize what a beautiful couple of days it has been!

i hope this summer is fun, i really do.

Lately ive been doing a  lot of daydreaming. And not like, anything honorable or anything.

complete 

utter

superficial

self serving 

day dreaming.

and not for any particular reason.

i keep finding myself in this loft apartment, well, its not an apartment but ive turned it into that. and everything is made of tin, and huge sun soaked windows, and large and plentiful black of white photos of everything and everyone i love. Everything is covered in paint, except the pristine kitchen  in which i make quacamole and serve g and t's to day guests on occasion...out of my favorite painty mug...."skydive dallas" My bed is inches from my canvas, right where i can get at it, right where it cant escape and i can think about it all the time, and i never want to escape, and when i need to escape i just take a 90 degree turn to my left and read the streets that are new york city and smile at all the angry people below and think..hmm, maybe they would be happy if they had a painting studio and a g&t. and sock feet.mmmmmmmm

dreamy.

i would definately have the vogue cover of sjp framed somewhere and a piano and busy weekends full of free flights to guam and bora bora and cali and evvvvvvvrywhere. And i read my little books and write my little songs and make my little art in my little life in my little room. theres also a spiral staircase to a roof where i make my garden..

rosemary

because rosemary is beast and you can grow it anywhere

basil...because i use it the most

mint...for the g and t's and for ice cream

and probably a potted orchid, that will go inside with me, on my bedside stool next to my phone and recent read.

friends will come over unannounced and surprise me...lets go for a walk, lets get sushi! hows your art coming!? wanna hear about my day? 

i know this weird but i love it when people gripe to me about their petty issues, it  makes me feel closer to them, i wanna hear alllll about all the stuff that bugs people all the time, dont ask me why. people of the world, if you wanna bitch about something, look no further.

and.

i will leave this haven occasionally to buy supplies or to go to work where the kids are that i know and love, and at night...taxi's and business, but always to bed and up early, even if i dont have to be.

And ill stomp down those streets like they are my runway for this five-foot-nothing stalk of hope and naievety. and those girls howling cursing at each other about a cab fare and that fat old dude thats confronting his store manager, yeah they're the audience. oh and all that noise, thats just them screaming "hell yes!"

because.

looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners

parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water

and maybe im too young to keep good love from going wrong

but tonight youre on my mind so you never know

when im broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it

where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it

too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

sometimes a man gets carried away when he feels like he should be having his fun

much too bling to see the damage hes done

sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no one

so ill wait for you, and ill burn

will i ever see your sweet return

oh will i ever learn

oh lover you shouldve come over

cause its not too late

lonely is teh room, the bed is made, teh open window lets teh rain in

burning in the corner is teh only one who dreams he had you with him

my body turns and years for a sleep that will never come

its never over, my kingdowm for a kiss upon her shoulder

its never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her

its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter

its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my sould forever

well maybe im just too young

to keep good love from going wrong

oh lover, you shouldve come over

cause its not too late

well i feel too young to hold on

and im much too old to break free and run

too deaf dumb and blind to see the damage ive done

sweet lover you shouldve come over

oh love well im waiting for ou

lover you shouldve come over,

cause its not too late.

also.

today i bought a new record. i love vinyl. Which i plan on listening to with you. oh, and i miss you.

And a pocket french dictionary, we can read that too.

today

i want to explore, i want very very very very badly to explore. I have the bug, i have the itch, i have the drive, the drive? eh. anyways, im going to use this week to be, i thought about going home for a bit, i found a pretty cheap fare, but then i realized i had plenty to explore here. And as neat as it would be to surprise the rents, I've gotta go, i've gotta run, i've gotta go to austin today....i wish someone wanted to go as much as i do.

I want to do more than just exist, i wanna cover miles, and see things that i know are there but just waiting for me.

Ugh.

I feel so stuck here...I want to go by myself, but it would be so nice to have a group of friends that also enjoy it. Have people forgotten? Has everyone forgotten what it feels like to be enthralled!!??? There is so much to do, and im on the verge of it all the time! on the crest! ready to dive in, but am stifled and extinguished by the solitary feeling. I'm so confused, it seems this opportunity is just slowly passing. There are very few things that make me mad, actually mad, blazingly hotly irrevocably mad! Laziness! I HATE LAZINESS

I simply cannot resign myself to sitting all day while i have what everyone envies and is always trying to get. time. 

I swear to god if i have to go by myself i will. But nothing makes me angrier than wasting a day with television and food and vodka that could be so much more.

i fucking hate laziness

hate 

hate hate hate hate hate ahte hatehate

hate it.

the day is when things happen! the day is when people move!! things are open! light makes itself available for the copying!! the day the day the day!!!!

wake up!

i wanna spend all my summers in texas

all my falls in atlanta

and all my saturday nights with you.

As of late...this has been going on

my show

my show

my show

its going to be interesting. I need to do the recordings which i will probably start on tonight. Other than that ive been making up this dance for my jazz class which i need to fight through this nasty sickness to teach to naomi tmrw.

I wish that i just stuck to traditional black and whites for my show but i cant jump horses now, im too far into the color holga project. Since the last critique ive been kind of bummed because alot of the people said they had seen something like it before, which was unsettling. But this is what we all have to fight through as artists, getting past the obvious.

What im more excited about is the BUM BUM BUM BUMMMMM STUDENT SHOW! which will be awesome, hopefully one or more of my entries will make it into the show. Im submitting a drawing, a print, a painting, and a photograph. or maybe two, i dont know, im unsure of the painting, its already been rejected once, i dont want to hurt its feelings again, its not easy being ugly haha.

Also i finally found a roomate! and not just any roomate! an amazingly interesting and wonderful roomate for the summer, im stoked. and incredibly releived, not that i would mind living with someone random for the summer but its just nice to stay with someone who already knows me. whoop whoop...one to do list number down...uhh several to go.

Im thinking ill take two weeks off when school gets out and go home, then ill come back and chill in waco and work ( which is going to be easy and pay well by the by)

i hope everything works out well.

Im only pessimistic because i think it will get me somewhere. or something like that...

tomorrow: pay rent

teach naomi dance

go running

laugh..hard.