recent.

lunch at my usual spot for when i tire of chinese food...element fresh...with my notebook and cappuccino. I swear it doesnt matter where you go, tahiti or rome, juneau or pheonix, you can always find cappuccinos. Im glad this is something i can depend on. Basically I go here all the time and ponder what i should do with my life which i am experiencing mounting anxiety concerning... waiting for a sign.
I know im a huge nerd for taking this photo but im still fascinating by things like this...chinese coke can..classic. I got a sprite the next day...also i found where to buy nutella and im worried.

So im obsessed with food everywhere i go ive realized, which is funny considering how limited I am sometimes..but i just love food!! Its amazing how going somewhere new and not eating or consuming anything for a while makes you appreciate it differently. Like the other day i had a greek salad and realized that red bell peppers taste kind of fragrant like a flower, but yellow and green do not. Feta cheese has a bite to it, and cappuccinos are sweeter than originally thought. The same goes with music too, i went a while without listening to anything and then suddenly i listed to a wyclef song while i was working out and i heard things in that song i had never herad before. I makes me wonder what else am i taking for granted, and it makes me feel incredibly thankful. Nuance is all around us, we just have to listen for it, taste for it, look for it. pay attention, it does you good. This is part of the reason i love travel so much, it really does scramble the way you think about everything, renewing and rebuilding and making stronger you ability to enjoy and understand everything.
But basically here is what has been going on...I feel more comfortable and Ive realized its already February, which is crazy. As some of you may know chinese new year is coming up and I will be in Beijing for this occasion. Mostly by myself going on tours and such save for a friend of a friend who i might meet up with while im there, and hopefully i can persuade anybody is can to meet me there just for fun. Im really excited about seeing the wall, and about seeing "old china" Shanghai is very westernized so i hear so it will be at least interesting to see prc..old school. Also in March natlie has a week break from school so we are all going to go to japan! and specifically disney world in japan! Def. lookin forward to that and to all the incredible sushi i hope to come upon.

Also ive been eating a chocolate bar a day and reading chelsea handler's book, my horizontal life. I cant say that either of those activities is really part of a self betterment plan or anything but they are both making me very happy so im peaceful with it. Ive started running alot again too which has been such a revival. Im learning more and more mandarin but still suck at it. Things with Natlie are getting better too but i still have no idea what to do with my life, if anyone has any input please let it fly, im open to comments.

Also i realized summer is coming...im looking for bathing suits online and simultaneously scheming to go on vacation...perhaps with my italy girls. I cant believe its almost been a YEAR since ive seen them! crazy. I cant wait for this summer and i cant wait to get settled somewhere again, i just dont know doing what. I have daydreams about living alone and being a slob, yeah, its come to that. Im not sure, but i think im all for private nudity.

something else: i dont know if youve ever had two chinese women laugh hysterically at you while you try to pick something up with chop sticks and fail repeatedly, only to make a mess all over yourself...but once you get over the humiliation its about the most gosh darned funniest thing ever. Once i got over my hysterics i composed myself and calmly picked up the bell pepper and ate it, they also both thought that eating a bell pepper is in the top 5 most disgusting things you could ever do. All of this occured without any verbal communication. Oh yes the language barrier does make for some funny shit, the other day natlie made a picture of cat, when i showed it to jane and said "cat" she looked at me confused but also kind of smiled. A few seconds later after watching the wheels turn in her head she looks at me says "cab?" while motioning the driving of a car. i chuckle and explain to her that no no that is a taxi cab, a cat is like... "meow" then i burst out laughing "TAXI CAT!" and she gets the joke as we motion like we are cats driving people around for money on our backs. Now were cracking up on the playground and natlie hears this...so she yells from the top of the tower "what is so funny!?" im laughing too hard to explain so right as im trying to calm down, a little boy hobbles over to a spot right in front of jane and I, looks us both square in our faces, then squats and pees his pants while holding himself and making a face full of so much distress and shame, jane and i could only laugh harder. I swear I almost peed myself. guh, i needed that laughter. Not that kind of polite laughter you know, where youre just trying to keep spirits up and you just kind of being happy. no no, this was real, belly laughing, there were tears, and my face was red, and i couldnt breathe. Also i loved that all these british moms were looking at jane and i like we had just taught natlie how to shoot whiskey or something. I love being the "talked about" mom, its fun :)

another thing to note: i think im making peace more and more with my age. Maybe its because being around natlie has made me think of it differently. We were discussing each others zodiac the other day..I was born in 1987 so im am the rabbit, I asked portia what year natlie was born and prompted her with 19.... and of course she says "2003" holy shit. Does that make anyone else feel weird?

i think there is little that feels better than a little girl telling you that you look "oooo beautiful" even if you dont particularly. i swear, its gotta be better than karl lagerfeld telling you that ya look good that day. something really interesting about it. i wore a dress the other day and natlie was amazed. consequently it feels equally as bad when they tell you that you are stupid, even though you are not.

Happy chinese new year, cant wait to figure out what this holiday is all about.

pickles and peanuts

j