Hao le

My flight today is at 4 o clock, I have to say, I wont be surprised by anything that happens today, it all seems very fleeting.

I am really, really, proud of myself for sticking it out. This is honestly one of the hardest things ive ever attempted in my life with very little reward. Somehow putting myself through this has taught me a lot. One, never ever ever no kids, duh. But it has brought to light how capable i am, and how driven i am. No one will ever understand what this has been for me. Its been really fucking hard, and an eye opening experience. Maybe I am better for it, maybe I am worse, but I am, if anything, slightly different. I could just die when i think i wont see fi ever again. Gotta make that happen. I gave her a reallllyyy long hug last night before leaving her place on hengshan lu. I want to cry, but I cant, Im too tough now, its gonna take a lot more than a goodbye to scare me these days. I love her, and she is mine, my friend, forever and ever and ever and ever.

She wrote me a somewhat dorky somewhat touching poem on some cute stationary and gave it to me at dinner a long with some pictures that jogged memories i always want to have. It reads:

The girl with the red lipstick

She knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it.
Shes a diva, a gal and a trooper.
Shes a girl who believes in true love and is a red wine drinking party pooper.
You've taught me that everyday is the best day to be had, and that wheat is not all that.
Chocolate is your lifeline, shopping and your old black hat.
You are the girl with all my shanghai secrets, don't leave for too long, dont go away..
cuz in 50 years when you've done all you want, my arms will be open for you to come stay.

Cheesy. True. My favorite.

The entire time i was hugging fi by the door, my hips were faced towards it. Ive heard it said and known it to be true that what your feet and hips are directed at while doing anything is where your mind really is. I cant help but be slightly phased by what it means that while im hugging my best gal goodbye for a long time, ive got one foot out the door. What does that mean. I dont need to know right now, I dont think.

pats on back. Liquids in the checked luggage. freedom, for a bit.

see ya soon suckahs.

-j