Yea, you.

The great joy and sadness of life is that everything changes. For the better, for worse, but all sand: fluid, amorphous. I can't figure out why this is scary. I suppose because it suggests that you will lose everything and everyone you love, and rather lightly proposes the idea of adventure and renewal.
The most important thing to me as far as i have observed it is relationship. As much as the person terrifies me, the person sustains me. My friends are my family, as much as i keep running away from them. Im sometimes not sure you all realize how important you are to me, how deeply i feel for all of you. In fact, i maybe seem flippant and hyper independent, but i can only sustain because i have depended on you first. I can only hope that the love i feel for each of you is even slightly mutual.
My life does not fit in a template, and it does not scroll as if linear. Its just there. evolving, changing, being.
When i look at the type of love that exists in Mo's family, the type of honestly and comfort that inst overbearing and isnt perfect, i feel very hopeful. You have always and do believe in me. You have accepted and pushed me. And that has meant more to me than i can ever express.

When i look at you, and you, and you, and all of you I feel nothing but gratitude in the strongest of terms.
I feel that i know who i am in a very comforting way when I'm around you.

I get myself knocked around now and again, it doesnt mean its my fault, it doesn't mean I'm stupid or a failure, and it definitely doesn't mean im going to hell or have lost my way or something. This is my way. Im happy here, with you. If i have nothing else in my life, if i don't live past today, if I never make a dime, my life will have been great because you have all meant something very strong and very fulfilling to me.

" this is who you are now jessy, and one experience cannot undo who you are, how is that even possible?"

"you are okay and its not your fault"

"I will help you"

"You are talented"

"i forgive you"

"i accept you"

"i love you"

"you are my edie"

"i miss you"

"you're ace"

"be careful"

"there are no mistakes, only research"

I prefer to remember all of the good things you guys give me. And its out of control. Its fantastic to feel so much empathy for all of you. Take this little piece of my heart, and anything that i have, consider this my offering you guys. If you need me, day or night, rain or shine, good terms and bad, im a call away, im a bike ride away, im a skype away, im on the next plane. You are my heart. If youre questioning weather or not im talking to you, I am. Yea, you.

Im a little shaken up lately.

Life is good in general.

-j