now, i love art, i have always loved art. But i have always had to make the art happen, and i have always strayed from it. I love it, but im not sure it loves me back, wait, that sounds stupid, i think i will always resent it for what it brings me though.

So now i think the time has come to do new things. the world is my oyster? yeah. i think so. timid, but optimisitc, willing, well equipped. so upon expressing my fear of failure after anything stationary is handed to me, i realized how lucky i am to have friends who help to motivate me, and who occasionally knock my head back when it not on perfectly straight, friends who put things in perspective.

I once read on the wall of the painting room that "someone who searches for subject matter is like someone who cant rightly get out of bed in the morning without first having determined the meaning of life."

it went something liek this:

ya know jess, the type of person you dont want to be, that type of person is avoidable. Most people figure out what they want in life and then they just stop at the want and they just hope it happens. That is a mistake. People who get what they want are people who work really hard and try to get it. Ive been filling out all these grad school applications and they as me basically what inspires me and what i want from life and how this school is going to help me to obtain it. It really makes you think, what does inspire me? and how am i going to get it? I mean, what are you doing for the next five days? nothing? right. Well get your fuckin' nose in a book and make it happen okay?
thank god for friends.