Sup atlanta, its really been a while.
oh, concept of home, i hardly recognize you.
I haven't wanted to blog in a while because I've been working out how i feel about things, how i feel about here and being away from all of you, and how what i think about money and what i think about advertising and all the shit that im supposed to be behind, for, and cheering at 100 percent all the time. But the truth is that im not really ANYTHING 100 percent of the time. I cant understand why no one seems to be happy at their jobs, why it seems im wasting my body and my time trying to achieve. That kind of thing is just a jagged pill i guess. Its hard to swallow so much thats been thrown at me right now. Why do we make ourselves feel guilty if we dont feel miserable? Its this sort of believe and achieve, succeed and achieve attitude instilled in us that makes us quite frankly feel uncomfortable, lazy, or inadequate, island-like if we do not form to it. It is sometimes to much for me. Sometimes the pain underneath and running through everything in the world is too much for me to handle, i can hardly take a breath thinking of things that happen to my friends on the regular and to others and the god forsaken bogged down mess it all is. The sobering reality that we are slaves to money. The idea that we must sacrifice relevancy for freedom.The fact that everyone is coping with their own insecurities in myriad ways that all bounce back and forth at each other with no rhyme or reason except to make us all miserable. And then sometimes, the right song comes on, or the right beat just moves through you and you blast that radio and scream it down the highway up the whole lane, at the whole highway, at the city, at the whole god damned world. Sometimes the brevity of everything is too much to handle. Sometimes the beauty of it is is just as overwhelming. Its a bittersweet symphony that i can only find relief in through expression. Every single person is looking for the same thing, to be heard, understood, to know that you heard them and understood them.
It feels good to purge my frustrations here but I also accumulate some amount of guilt in the process, like i should feel bad for doing my dirty laundry in public. But i think that's shit. Im not angry all of the time, and im not suffocated all the time. My heart was not made to have an address, but im trying to find the fantastic in having a spot. It is sometimes good to do things you dont want to do. A wise, crusty old woman once told me that the way to discern the difference between quitting and choosing is to ask yourself..."am i wasting my time or is it just hard?"
Im not anything all the time.
Sometimes im a quitter, more often than not i stick it out.
I have days where i feel low and frustrated and i think my life has worn out all its magic, and there are days when i think i could just weep for how lucky i am and how powerful i feel.
Im hungry all day on monday. on tuesday i ate some watermelon and thats it.
Im lazy and productive, brave and chickenshit, refined and abrasive, made-up glittery and homely with messy hair.
Im a woman on a good day and an acting man on a smart one.
Im thankful all the time, but i forget it when im angry.
Im not sorry for not being everything to everyone all the time.
Im not sorry for evading equilibrium.
Im not sorry at all.
As much of a strange sweet that this move(back) seems that it will be, I AM really enjoying my roommates and new neighbors, the prospect of community, and the possibility of friends coming my way. I have had a year to use and guest, and now it is my turn to give and host.
In my quest to get cozy ive acquainted myself with and compiled a list of all of my favorite culinary discoveries in the immediate area, i know i dont technically run a food blog but indulge me...
King of Pops
26 year old beautiful blue eyed something or other (i cant remember his name) quit his desk job to start a popsicle business, King of pops, but not just any popsicle business. This guys sells amazing, handmade, in season, gourmet, occasionally alcoholic popsicles. Flavors include chocolate sea salt, lemon basil, georgia peach, nectarine mojito, arnold palmer,pear honey, banana puddin', watermelon peppercorn and so on... best catch em while ya can, he moves around midtown all day tweeting his whereabouts. 2 50 a pop. My roommate crushes him, i get the feeling I'll be eating a lot of popsicles this year.
Rosebud
This place is fantastic, not a minute walking distance from my house, sells entirely local food tailored to the culinary southerner, and coincidentally my new place of work. Beautifully plated, flawlessly furnished, devastatingly charming. As an added bonus there's a farmers market every Saturday morning on the patio, and live music every Wednesday. Rosebudatlanta.com
Atlanta Cupcake Factory
Guess who makes gluten free batches at request two days in advance? This guyyyyy! Im pretty stoked about this one. Enough said.
Of course really if you ask me, the best restaurant in town in just downstairs. Im in a serious cookathon with myself lately with all this time and a kitchen.
Still not sorry,
-j
No comments:
Post a Comment