Pardon the mess, I'm remodeling.

Is it wrong to want more than this? Wait, not more, different.

I want to construct and be consumed, To build and rebuild, to not be at a loss for words.

I want to lift your grimy fingertips off my skin and have to you look right back at me the same way im looking at you.

I want to be satiated and challenged.

I want to have sex, and not be held accountable.

I want to feel like life is more than a series of wanting and gaining and pining.

I need to feel that ive done my part, but have given to myself in the process.

I want to stay up until five am. I want freedom.

I want to admit when im lonely and not expect some kind of bullshit sympathy, I just want to feel it, and admit it, fully. Im lonely. There.

I think im going to have to find my own way, or make it. I'll make it.

What the fuck is so wrong with being honest anyways? Im so frustrated all the time with what is and isn't acceptable to say, im just so fucking tired of it, i think i could bottle up and explode. I know that its not admirable and i know its seems im a quitter,selfish,unrealistic. What the hell is wrong with me? Is anything wrong with me?

Am i that person who sucks life from others and breathes nothing in return. Have i no output?

Im sure you'll all have something to say about me.
Im sure ive already said plenty of it myself.

Introvert, Extrovert, Lazy, Megalomaniac, Insecure, Overly Secure, Honest, Unapologetic, small, simple, yearning, temperamental, emotional, doomed, a square in a round peg.

But right now im just dark.
Im just a deep green with flecks of olive.
Im some kind of glowing otherwise.

How strange and how beautiful.
How tragic and not.

Sometimes i want nothing to do with life.
Sometimes i want all over me.

Im sure id love to say something else that makes sense, but i dont really care enough right now.

yours,

the impostor.

sincerely,

the scam artist.

love,

baggy jeans, a bra, and everything bitter.

That's what little girls are made of.

j