unusual

Its hard for me to say that something im choosing to do is unusual, seeing as i make a habit of pursuing the things that i dont not like or understand, but I am going to do something very unusual, very vulnerable, and i'm going to admit.
I admit, that yes, i have been callus with myself. Pervading empathy and parading around sensibility. And then it seems that out of no where, with no real cause for it, i have suddenly become very in touch with my sensitivity. And even stranger, i really like it.
A big baby, ive been such a baby, weeping at the most inexplicable moments when i would have in my previous life remained nothing but stoic. I mean, dont get me wrong, im not a blubbering idiot but just a simple tear, maybe two.
I have never in my life cried at a wedding, but something inside me felt very adult about allowing myself to become emotional when i saw maggie walk out in vera wang. Maybe it was the vera wang, maybe it was maggie, maybe it was the champagne.
Another recent moment was this past week in new york, at ground zero. And the funny thing was, this wasnt my first time visiting it, my third actually! This time only, i wept. Then i revisted the news footage of the towers falling and agian, i lost it. it felt so good. I understood it so much more this time, and i realized, i hadnt seen that footage since i was a kid. Really, a kid. It doesnt seem like that long ago but it was. Im so different. I remember where i was, do you? I was in french class. I remember every detail about that morning.
Its simply exhilerating that my new found empathy feels a direct result of adulthood, just when i thought i was past the tantrums. Maybe its just that now, i feel i have something important enough to cry about.
Anyways, its 3 23 eastern standard am and i feel very exposed. Im up again, thinking, about everythign that i have to think about right now, and everything that i dont.
There are a few things ive discovered upon the brink of early adulthood.
one, i no longer have a problem telling people i have a problem with that i do. And nine times out of ten, i think they would rather know, i know i would.
I can admit basic truths and traits about myself.
I admit, I feel very deeply about peopel that i meet before i really know them and i have to tone it down a little as we get to know each other.
I admit, i simply detest people who dont have a mind of their own and work from others ideas only. weakness.
People who deney themselves and hide parts of themselves anger me. Also passive agressiveness can just quit and id be okay.
I admit, i am weak myself at times, and thats human, and thats okay, just be honest about it.
I admit, i am huge supporter of gay rights, womens rights, and human rights in general. call me a raging femenist i really dont give a flip.
I admit, there is such a thing as sex, and to deney it in conversation and life is ignorant.
I admit, i could always use a little criticism.
And still, admititdly, Im a pretty smart chick, im confident, and i can take a compliment without getting cocky.
And still, one of the most basic truths i still cant shake, is that more than anythign in my life, laughter has been such a constant. I once read that laughter was the shortest distance between two people, or something like that. I think other than to create, and communicate, laughter will always be my first love.
oh yeah, and i admit, i am entirely not funny.