she is finite.

i cant help it if my knees knock together when i sleep, all this so that i need a pillow between them, it hurts. I cant do much about the fatigue and the ache right now caused by an inability to digest certain proteins, this body, what a piece of junk, what a piece of work, what a waste of reproductive space, what a bunch of bravado, and a fantastic machine.
Why are we so afraid of age and pain? perhaps because it is the speaker and heralder of death, reminding us of our mortality and transition. Disturbing i guess. Why is it that we are so ashamed of our emotional and physical needs? perhaps because it is proof of our fragility. it is frightening to not know, it is frightening to not be. And so some try to make sense of our potential non existence and our tendancy and threat to be such through some kind of god or gods via beleiving in the after life, by prolonging life. While, others just tease it with a sweet sensed disregard for caution that rivals vengance as if to say, damn you for making me this way, I will prove my fearlessness. I have never claimed to be fearless, im afraid all the time really, but i do have an unfair amount of courage than should be given to one person. For this reason, i cant help but find good things, although it may bring me through bad, i dont mind. ive always been kind of tease anyway.

another year done. almost.
heres to many more.

a cafe corretto raised to all of you, wherever you are, with whoever you are, take a deep long savory swig of something and tell yourself "im happy" or tell yourself "im sad" just tell yourself the truth, and savor the next year of your life with the same fierce that you savor this glass, whatever it is filled with.

salute.

j