What can I do now that i have done and have been and have seen and want more?
Where does one begin again?
How can i see natural now that I am new?
Summer never lets me down, i never lets me down. I feel so powerful, and yet more aware of my fragility all of the time.
There is very little air conditioning in the summer in New York, there is very little you and there is maybe too much of me. There's a whole bunch of crazy in a mess of surreality that i just cant seem to live outside of these days. Im really not fighting it, Its not that ive never been happier, although I am, very, and thankful. Perhaps it is just that now im searching for something to seep into, maybe that is colorado, and maybe its not.
Walking through the west village with adria I heard myself say it "yeah, thats the plan" but really what the fuck is the plan, and what the hell does the "plan" have to do with anything really. And so a year ago i planned to be i dont know, in dallas? working steady? sucking heat and saving dough? And im here, and im there, and im for sure not the plan at all.
Im just me, and Im now, and Im living, and hoping to find a bit of you, and a bit of love, and exhiloration, sadness, art, anything.
come at me life as fast or as slow as you want, just dont miss.
looking for america,
j
1 comment:
when you've done and been and were and are - you just keep going. there isn't any option except for things turning out. the only option other than life keeping on is for it to cease to exist. and we are lights burning far too bright for anything less than to keep on shining.
the plan is to just keep going. to keep planning, keep living, keep refusing to accept anything less than what, in moments of clarity and abandon and just a little bit of sparkle, we know we are capable of. what we know we deserve to get to, if we know we must strive hard enough to get there. and once we do, we'll know it was all in the journey, all in the little perfect pieces, in the love and laughter.
I love you jessy cole. to the moon and back. you will be a picture in my head when I am very old. you have already made it into the montage of my life - looking forward to more pictures to add.
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