I cant get it out! It wont materialize! this feeling, this lost feeling. Its expressive and good but its bothersome and restricting because it wont show itself! show yourself! show yourself! I feel as though something or someone has died. Someone i was expecting, like a long drawn out illness, i knew would effect me but was blinded to the reality of it. Im mad and i dont know at what! Im sad beyond having energy to express sadness and I think i know why. Its an ache for the life i had that i know i will never have again, and dull churn in my belly that doesnt know where its going. That same loop that taunts me and tricks me telling me that i will never know, that life wont budge, that now since i have known pure and simple happiness i will never again experience it on the same terms. All your magic has run out! Youve used up all the good and amazing that one life is alotted! Magic, I wish i could get a little magic. Something's gotta give.