Fallin' up. Gettin' down.

I sat down at lunch today to finish the chapter in my book about Tibet. I seriously want to go to tibet now, however lofty in terms of altitude. Apparently passing out from the thin air is not an uncommon thing, although, i wouldn't be surprised if that was just Chinese visitors worn down and deprived of blue sky and normal oxygen levels. I must say, the Chinese air is famous for its pollution. Portia told me today "The sky is never blue, on a good day, its pale." The sky is blue somewhere though.

get up.

There's a man with a funny laugh in the corner. Seemingly inappropriate for the conversation he's having. A business man, hip and rich, and squawking away through his rice noodles. Laowais never really are quite aware of how to handle themselves when nervous, or maybe he just loves to laugh. I prefer to believe the latter. Oh yes, Laowai is a term for foreigners here, i dont think its in good taste but its kind of funny when you refer to yourself as a loawai in jest, sort of self deprecating, its good for a laugh or two.

get up.

People whose laughs i miss....
Sam Hough, need i say more? It is fantastic and can only be experienced.
Hollis's silly and unapologetic belly laugh, in the most inappropriate of places. heh.
Justin's inhale of air to create a lofty sounding, im playing chess and drinking bourbon with a monocle feel.
And Deandre's smack-to-the-face cackle when he really thinks someone is ridiculous, like that girl in the you tube video who smacks her head on the tv.
Sean, you and your low pitch, mischief-managed-i-just-put-a-tack-on-someone's-chair... "heh-heh"
Oh and Kelsey's laugh, which isnt even really a laugh, but a silent mouth drop and stare, that curls into a grinch-like smirk before puffing out some air after the fact.

laughs are cool, like thumbprints or noses, they are diverse and personal. Its good to remember and catalog people with these things. Try it, think of everyone's laugh that you know, its not hard and wildly entertaining.

I laugh like a mouse, whatever. When i really think something is funny though, its the silent laugh, oh the silent laugh, those are the laughs you cant even forget.

I feel better today. I feel more like i can handle things. Climbing up the stairway to homeostasis, and looking forward to be able to control it. I seem to be falling, but only in the right direction.

Tonight im going for hip hop and a drink with fi. yelp! eep! yay!

In all my frustration trying to understand natlie, i buried myself in anguish relegating my presence here to a failure. Then i realized, duh. Holy freaking duh. Natlie doesn't speak Chinese, she doesn't even speak English, she speaks Natalie, and the language of Natalie is "play." I think its amazing that i am so far removed from the notion of "play" that it has taken me this long to really get what makes her tick. And that it. play. and nothing else. All of her meanderings and efforts are centered around this basic idea "me want play". How could i be so stupid? Its amazing how you can almost completely write something or someone off, even when you really think highly of yourself in this manner, just because you are blind to the underlying motivation. Its so easy, its hard. So close to my face, that it was blurred. Duh, jessy. Natlie. want. play.


I lift my pointer and index and thrust it into my fleshy neck, and wait, for a resting heart rate, for no discernible reason.

Stick your neck out. Keep your head up.

Do the hokey pokey.

j