holy cow..moo.

Im not really feeling very articulate or clever at all, just really really nervous. I know money is an issue, but thats just money, money is money, its stupid pieces of grimy identical papers with old white guys on it. So really, money will come, and money will go, and mone will work itself out im sure, well im not sure, but whatever.
Really, the problem is the not knowing. I dont know what exactly im getting myself into in choosing between two proxies that just sort of keep moving in the opposite direction of one another when they are entirely related and enhance each other. So why is it that i cannot combine language and art?

But its just language. and its just art. its not me.

I have the ability to settle wherever i am placed, which is good, but the tragic flaw of ache for what i cannot know. Im so worried i will regret what i choose. Really, either would be magnificent. Either would be expensive. And both would be difficult, but rewarding.

I know as an artist, knowing about language will make me a better art director...but knowing about art does not make me a better linguist, at least not in anyway marketable.

It really seems stupid to circle around these things right? I mean, really, who is this self involved that they think all day in their conscious downtime who they want to be and what they want to do. I am the biggest schmuck ever.

But anyhow...

I hope i can settle soon. I feel a pull towards one, but neither are a garuntee of happiness, and neither are garuntees of success or failure or fortune. But both do promise something, no matter what it is, it will be some. thing... And i hope that some thing, some where, is enough.

tired of talking about it,

j